By E. B. Sorensen
Ms. Rebecca told us that God made the world. She said, God made everything. He made all the things you love.
I asked, so God made Benny?
And who’s Benny? she asked.
My dog, I said.
Yes, God made Benny, she said, then smiled with her thin lips.
We waited for our parents to pick us up and I played with Legos. Anna tapped my shoulder. Want to know something? she asked.
Okay, I said.
God spelled backwards is dog, she said. That’s why dogs are man’s best friend. Because God is our best friend. They are both loyal, too, Anna said, and licked the ring of red chap around her mouth.
Ms. Rebecca told us that God loves everyone. She said that God loves every little boy, and every little girl on earth, and every grown-up, too.
I asked, so God loves me?
Ms. Rebecca looked over her glasses. Well, are you a little boy? she asked. The other boys and girls giggled.
Yes, I said, giggling too.
Then God loves you, she said, with her hands in the shape of a heart.
I played with the farm animals. Anna sat down and took the sheep. Want to know something? she asked.
Okay, I said.
If God loves everyone, he doesn’t love anyone at all. Nobody is special if we are all loved the same, Anna said, and set the sheep back down.
When we got home, Benny greeted Mummy, Daddy, and me at the door. He wiggled between all of us and licked each of our hands.
Ms. Rebecca told us that God is always there. She said he is everywhere. He is always watching.
I asked, so God is looking right now?
Yes, God is looking right now, she said. Let’s wave hello.
All the other boys and girls waved in different directions. I waved out the window towards home, at Benny.
I pushed the train along the wooden tracks. Anna blocked it with her hand. Want to know something? she asked.
Okay, I said.
God sees you do bad things, she said. And when you do bad things, you get in trouble. So, when you do something bad, God knows, and you can’t lie, Anna said, and let my train go through.
At home, Mummy made me a bologna sandwich. It had lettuce. I don’t like lettuce, but Mummy says I need to have it. But Mummy wasn’t looking, so I took it out and stuck it under the tablecloth. Benny was under the table like he always is when I’m eating.
Benny yawned. His mouth was a black hole. You took the lettuce out, he said.
My tummy twisted.
Benny shuffled on his big yellow paws. I saw you take it out, he said.
My cheeks felt hot.
Benny tilted his head. Take it out from under the tablecloth and eat it, he said.
I looked at Mummy leaning over the sink, then grabbed the lettuce and stuffed it in my mouth. It was bitter and stuck to my teeth.
Benny stayed underneath the table while I finished my sandwich. My tummy kept hurting for the rest of the day.
Ms. Rebecca told us that after you die, you can go to Heaven, or you can go to hell. Heaven is in the clouds and hell is below.
How do you get to Heaven? I asked.
You let God into your heart, she said, and pressed her hand against her chest. She told us to bow our heads and told God to come into our hearts. In my head, there was a picture of Benny on his bright red bed.
I ripped the Velcro on my shoes on and off. Anna sat beside me. Want to know something? she asked. I nodded. In hell, there is fire and the devil. You go there if you do bad things called sins. You’ll suffer forever, Anna said, then ripped her Velcro loud.
At home, I ate my sandwich with lettuce while Benny watched. It was yucky, but I ate the whole thing. Then I cuddled with Benny on the couch and pet his long golden hair and thought of Heaven in the clouds.
Ms. Rebecca told us that God knows your thoughts. He knows when you are happy, and he knows when you are sad. You can also talk to God in your head, she said, and pointed to her forehead.
What do you say to God? I asked.
You can say thank you, she said, and told us to be quiet and say thank you to God in our heads. I said thank you to Benny on his bright red bed.
I washed my hands in the sink. Anna came up beside me. Want to know something? she asked.
I didn’t look at her.
God can hear if you say something mean in your head. It’s a sin to think bad things, and when you do things you know you shouldn’t do. If you sin, you will go to hell, Anna said, and pulled the collar of her blue flower dress.
At home, Daddy wouldn’t let me watch TV until I did my math problems. Stupid Daddy, I thought. But then I remembered what Anna said about saying mean things in your head. My tummy hurt when I saw Benny looking at me from down the hall.
I heard what you called Daddy, he said.
I ran past him and went upstairs to get my math problems. I heard Benny slowing climbing the stairs behind me.
You called Daddy a mean word, he said.
I crawled into my bed and held my tummy. Benny stood at the edge of the bed and pushed his big, wet nose into my face.
You sinned, he said.
All I could think of was how I would suffer forever in hell.
My tummy kept hurting every day. Even when I was at school. I did lots of sins there, and Benny saw everything from his bright red bed. He got angry at me when I got home.
You looked at Martha’s spelling test, Benny said. You cheated, and that’s a sin.
You broke T.J.’s pencil, Benny said. You terrible, terrible boy.
You pushed Harold during kickball, Benny said. Hell is where you’ll go when you die.
Ms. Rebecca told us that God is three things. We call it the Holy Trinity, she said. God had a son named Jesus who he sent to live on earth. The Holy Spirit is the part that makes Jesus and God the same, she said, and traced a triangle in the air.
I sat in the cubbies and held my coat tight. Anna sat beside me. Want to know something? she asked. I put my coat over my head, but Anna yanked it down. The Holy Spirit is also called the Holy Ghost. Ghosts are dead things that come out at night to haunt you, Anna said, and let go of my coat.
That night, something was scratching at my bedroom door. When I opened it, Benny was there. His white face in the dark made me so scared. I slammed the door and didn’t let him in.
Ms. Rebecca told us that Jesus died for our sins. He died so we could ask for forgiveness. That way when we sin, we can say sorry, and it becomes okay.
Now my tummy really hurt. Worse than it had before. So, I cried. I cried so much that Ms. Rebecca had to get Mummy and Daddy from the grown-up service to take me home.
In the car, I said I’m sorry to Benny on his bright red bed.
When we got home, Benny didn’t come to the door like he always did. He was on the couch, and he wasn’t moving. Mummy and Daddy said he died because he was old. But I knew the truth.
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